Monday, January 24, 2011

I Was Robbed

I Had a Super Success last week

But I Couldn’t Enjoy it even a little bit....

I’ll leave a lot out, but suffice it to say I’m working on a project on my job at Company X with a man who has a major reputation for being lazy.

Last Thursday, was horrible day but it had a really good ending. I mean it was really good but I didn’t get to enjoy it. I feel like I was robbed.

To summarize the day I had last Thursday. It was just one road block and train wreck and lies from this slack-ass I'm working with after another.  On top of that it became clear that our customer was dropping the ball on quite a few things and the project was just getting screwed up.

I prayed all day long and kept telling the Devil that I didn't trust him.  It was a rough day.  I was so frustrated after work.  I didn't want to go to Small Group Bible Study at all. 

I ate Twix bar on my way out the door. 

I got down to the shopping center near church a little early so I stopped in Chinese restaurant and ordered some wonton soup and a dinner.  I ate less than 1/2 the dinner and boxed the rest up. 

I still didn't really want to go to group but I did anyway. 

I got 4 work calls while one of the women was giving her talk about her mission trip to Africa and then I got several calls from my mom.  I missed most of Jenny's talk.

I was angry, stressed, depressed, pissed. 

Afterward, I had to got to the grocery store for some dog food and other stuff.  I wanted to buy chips, cake, ice cream the whole nine yards.  I wanted to skip the grocery store completely.  I just knew that building was just loaded with land mines but I couldn't not go.  I was out of dog food and I knew the beasts would be hungry when I got home. 

So I went in picked up what I needed. Then I began wandering around the grocery store staring at the cakes, chips, snacks, etc.  I wanted something. I deserved it. I needed. I couldn’t have it. I can't even buy something with the intention of eating just a little. I'll eat it all. Even if its individually wrapped. I hate my relationship with food.

I successfully managed to get out of the store without buying any of that stuff. 
I felt awful.

Why?  Shouldn't I have been happy?  Yeah, I should have. 

Thursday was just so awful. 

I cried in the car the whole way home cause I was stressed and I really wanted some comfort food.


I can't trust myself around food so I ended up leaving the Chinese food in the car. I can’t even bring my leftovers in the house so it’ll stay fresh for lunch the next day.  I just knew I'd binge on it.  This made me mad too.

Mad at myself and mad at the food itself.

I cried some more after feeding the beasts and prayed.  I wanted to call my accountability partners but I didn't really want to talk I just wanted to cry.  I actually ended up crying on one of my dogs like she was a stuffed animal - Josie was utterly confused but stayed close by. 

I did finally calm down and pulled out my current crochet project and stayed up for a while crocheting and fielding more calls from the engineer and the customer. 

So, that’s what happened to me last week. It was so fantastic to be able to leave the grocery store and not but the junk but I feel like I was robbed. I have such an awful relationship with food that I feel like I was robbed of the joy of it all.

I did finally get my reward. Michael’s was having a sale on yarn. I’m a yarn-a-holic. Yarn yarn. I need more yarn. I bought a buttload of yarn and it only cost me $21.

I’m a happy happy girl.

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